A fresh breeze of hope... from the landfill of life

Well it’s a new year, and as is the status quo I am feeling semi-guilty about having neglected my dank little hole in the intertubes for some months. As usual, the new year brings with it reminders of what you have failed to do in the last year, and should feel compelled to put forth extra effort in this grand new opportunity. So, I’m back in school… basically submitting myself to another 4 months of being constantly shown (via mathematical proof and physical concept) how stupid I am. Seriously, there are very few days when I leave school feeling upbeat about how I have performed. It is now time to start preparing for graduate school (you know, so I can prolong the suffering even more, and heck lets amplify it if we can…) and I feel utterly unprepared and incapable. I still wander back and forth on whether or not I want to go, whether it’s a good idea or a fantastic waste of time and precious money. I have considerable doubts about my ability to handle graduate school, as I have doubts about my ability to do most anything anymore. I suppose if I procrastinate much longer, I’ll have made my decision by default. Anyway, I keep having inclinations to keep a journal. I can’t explain the urge, as I have many reasons for NOT keeping one. My life is not, and will not be, anything of interest to anyone other than perhaps my children (and for them only around the time I die). Do I really want them to know what kind of person I really am? I think I’d prefer them to remember me as the goofy, slightly smelly, play toy that had hair on his face. I’ll probably just wait until the feeling subsides and forget about it all again until next year. Besides, as I have learned in many previous examples, if I put it down in writing and someone else gets a hold of it, then I am liable for the information contained therein. That’s probably not a good scenario, best to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. I also keep having urges to read, and by read I mean something other than textbooks (which I get plenty of on almost a daily basis). I have a number of books lined up that I’d like to get through, I just never have the time (or if I do have time there are so many other things I need to catch up on that it falls to the bottom of the list). Maybe if I live to retirement age, I’ll have an opportunity to wither and atrophy away in a rocking chair with a pile of great books by my side. Then there’s the part of me that wants to get out and DO things, like rock climbing and horse riding and… boxing with a Tyrannosaurus Rex or something (they can’t reach ANYTHING with those tiny little arms). As soon as it warms up, I need to get out and do some shooting. I got a shiny new tactical scope for my hunting rifle, which means I had to play musical scopes on at least two of my guns, and I also have a shotgun reloading press that needs some attention. So sometime in the next couple of months I’ll get to have some fun. I’m trying not to venture into the abyss of politics, but every day the people who “run” this country find new and creative ways to piss me off and further degrade my paltry hope in this nation’s future. It seems with almost every bill passed, every election, every Senate or Congressional session (even state legislators sessions) the reasons for believing our political system merits existence decrease to an alarming new low. Two things seem clear to me. One, if anything is ever going to change in the way our country is run it will require the election of one who is not a politician and is abjectly opposed to the way the system is run. Two, nothing short of a complete re-write (starting at the constitution and working forward from first principals) across all branches of government including the military, and at all levels (federal, state and local) will be sufficient to put our country back on track to being something I could take pride in. Without that, it’s merely a pathetic, wimpering, spineless leach on the land and the hard working and innovative individuals keeping the human experience progressing (at least for the lucky few able to appreciate it). I am reminded of the book Atlas Shrugged. And that’s all I’ll say about politics today. We watched my sisters kids (as those of you who were at chris’ party are aware) and while they were pretty good and well behaved, it was a very good insight into what life would be like with three children. Therefore I can say without reserve that I no longer having three children (intentionally having three children) as a viable option I terms of my mental and physical health. In fact, were it not for a growing body of data documenting how single children fail to develop proper interpersonal relationships, I would not even consider two children an option. So on the down side, it looks like I must have another child… and somewhat against my will and intuition. On the upside, it’ll be the last one and I’ll be getting myself snipped… (I just considered what my life has become when the GOOD news is the mutilation of my reproductive organs… what happened?).