Rise of the unholy food storage!

Only 4 more performances to go, and the people rejoice. See? See the people rejoicing? Right there, all reverently clapping their hands and the like. What lovely happy little people. Maybe a little old though. So nothing much has happened in the last week. We’ve been performing almost every night and when we’re not performing we’re still attempting to get the house set up. The table is finished…. Ba dum dum pish! HA! And it’s now back in the house. Um…. We have a few apricots that are about ready to be picked and consumed with much tastiness. The girls are all freaking out because they never get to see us. My car needs washing, and I could use a manicure! That’s about it. And since there is nothing interesting going on in REAL life, I am afraid that I may have to come up with something more interesting. Or if you’d rather I can ramble on about nothings and what-knots until you all die of acute cerebral hemorrhaging caused by a self inflicted screwdriver wound to the head. BUT, since I don’t want to have to go out and find new friends (too much work, besides everyone else is crap! YOU HEAR THAT? IF I DON’T LIKE YOU, YOU’RE CRAP!!) you’ll only be forced to sit through a mild ranting. For a lack of better subjects I’ll tell you all about the experimental trip Nikki and I made to Costco. We’ve been bombarded with offers to get a Costco card since we got married (and even a time or two before I think). Ah yes, the magnetic force of saving a few bucks on a 30 gallon jug of mayonnaise. Anyway, we decided to arrange a trip to Costco in secret (i.e. using someone else’s card) and check out the “Costco-topia” in an effort to fill our house with many scrumptious eatables. So it starts. We show up at about 6pm on Wednesday (yes last week now shut up and listen) and were fully expecting to spend about 2.5 hours and around $500. Being that it was going to take so long, we decided to start with the dry and canned goods (these are known as “non-perishables” to the home making and give-food-to-hungry-people crowds). So we grab a cart. 13 aisles later we grab another one. After we finish the “non-perishables”(what does that mean again?) my mom shows up (a.k.a the “inside” man….well woman). At that point we get a third cart (we also begin attracting attention). As we move in the direction of the produce and such, I begin wondering about the whole buying in bulk topic with “perishable” items. (“perishable” is sort of like “non-perishable” in that its not like “non-perishable”) Nikki and I can put down our fair share of veggies and froo-it, but a whole flat of nectarines is a little much. For the most part we decided to forego the produce in favor of getting smaller quantities elsewhere. After looking at the bread prices, and realizing we were going to have to go somewhere for produce anyway, we decided to work our way towards the front of the store. It took us a while, as it usually does take someone a while to push nearly 1100 pounds of food across a 45,000 square foot warehouse, so we picked up a few things here and there. At this point in the game we are pretty neutral on the “to get a card or not get a card” issue and were kind of leaning toward getting one for the fuel prices. The prices weren’t that great on many of the items (about average between the grocery stores in the valley), were pretty good on a few (strangely nothing sticks out as being a GREAT deal), and were too high on the rest (this includes bread and all other baked goodies. Especially the cookies! If I were to judge a place on its chocolate chip cookie quality and value, Costco would earn the prestigious “I’m going to kill you!” award). So we proceed to the check out where I learn of their “No, we don’t have bags but here are some boxes that won’t fit in your car” system. Mildly annoying, but manageable. This is also when we learn that you can’t buy just four nectarines! And the grand total….Ba dum dum $707.change. Ok, a little more than what we were expecting but, considering we won’t have to buy toilet paper for nearly a year, I can deal with it. Now a swipe of the card and we’re done. This is where we learn that they no longer (assuming that they did at one point) take Visa or Mastercard (The cruel irony is that they DO take American Express. I smell a commercial coming on. Oh wait, never mind…. That was something else >blush<) That’s ok because we still have those archaic notes known as personal checks! What’s that you say, you only take checks from the person on the membership card? Ok mom, buy our groceries for us. And hopefully the check won’t clear before our check to you clears! Prognosis…..Negative! I can’t say that I hate Costco, because they have a great setup if you are trying to abolish hunger in a third world country and have means to transport about a million oddly shaped boxes. What I can say is that the amount we would have gotten back from our credit card cash back feature would have almost outweighed the sales tax, that the cost of the membership puts a large dent in the amount of annual savings from fuel purchases, it’s a ways out of the way (perhaps not distance but at 5:30 pm it takes about 20 minutes to get from the University Park freeway exit to the parking lot, one way), the prices on the stuff we’d buy the most of was not impressive (the cookie thing!), and there was little or no variety (if you wanted peanut butter, you either get Adams or Jiff and both are crunchy). So Nikki and I will not be getting a Costco card. And that’s that.