And now for a Rebuttal.... Te hee!

With proper recognition to the Radio from Hell show on X96 for coming up with the idea, I have decided to form my own list of things that must go. For those of you who DON’T listen to Radio from Hell, this portion is where they elaborate on things that the world would be a better place without. However, I feel I have a few advantages over those on the radio in that I can say what ever I want and not get into trouble. If you don’t want to hear me rant on about something I dislike then this is where you leave and go checkout Penny Arcade or CtrlAltDel or any of the other funny links I have on the right hand side of my Blog. Thus we continue with ‘My List of Things That Must Go’!

#1 School spirit – Now that fall semester has started and I am back in school, I have noted the number of people filling the halls. I’m not talking about just wearing a T-shirt or a Wolverines wrist band or something stupid like that. (as if getting raped by tuition wasn’t enough, these people indulge in an encore shopping spree at the bookstore) I’m talking about the aggressive, screaming, face painting, lonely, mascot wannabe’s that attempt to consume others in their freaky fanatical left wing cluster screw. What is the point? “I’m a Wolverine”, no you’re a MORON! It’s bad enough to have to watch these people struggle through life expecting things to be like high school, but to have them attempt to drag me into it is unbearable. I’d rather you just call me retarded and kick me in the butt.

#2 Middle Eastern countries – I know it’s tough to actually THINK but let’s give it a go and see what happens. You have been fighting with anyone throughout recorded history about the dumbest things imaginable, and the only thing you’ve (you meaning ALL OF YOU!) accomplished is to kill uncountable numbers of people, primarily innocent I’m sure, leave every country in the region extremely poor and unstable, and shift the border a lousy ten miles only to have it move back a few years later. I hear about a lot of countries from that region saying that the US should leave and not come back. I’d agree, and I believe that we tried that a few years ago. The problem was that when we left you all alone, you came to us and really screwed up. It may not have been the views of your religious group to come over here and kill innocent Americans, but you stood there and allowed it to happen which is clearly an indication that you can’t control your own FREAKING country! Therefore, we’ll pick up the slack and come control it for you. We didn’t want to go over there and find the vermin of the earth, but if we don’t then more people are going to die. To quote Patton “No one has ever won a war by dying for his country ... You make the other poor bastard die for his country!” It seems most see that the US has done a very good job of pissing off the Middle East, but I prefer to look at it like the Middle East has done a very good job of pissing off America. At least we don’t intentionally attack civilians, you murderous wastes of potential.

#3 Stupid Neighbors with Stupider cats – If it is against the law for me to let my dogs run free (because you’re a lawyer and can recite this to me) because they might chase your cats, then it is (or should be) illegal to allow your cats to run free and be accessible to my dogs. Furthermore, my dogs don’t walk on your clean car and scratch the finish. If they are both loose, and yours is weaker YOU LOOSE! When you get tired of loosing, buy a bear and I’ll keep my dogs at home.

#4 Racists – I know that this is sort of a given, but I feel it needs to be mentioned. Just like Treason is a matter of dates, racism is about who stole the land first. Technically “America” has no official race. Although the numbers might show whites to be a slight majority, it is called the melting pot for a reason. If you still hold on to these views, you just end up looking unintelligent and worthy of a free stay in the Utah County Animal Shelter (For those of you who don’t know, that means you’ll be euthanized, by accident of course. Search for recent news storied involving the shelter for more details.) I don’t care what race you are, I’ll find someone of a different race that is better at something that you are.

#5 Polygamy – It is illegal. In an effort to keep myself sleeping in a BED I’ll say this… gently. One wife is enough. How can you expect to be a responsible father/husband to more than one and what if they gang up on you? You can defend against one women (I’d know) when they travel in packs it’s time to run my friend!

#6 Jokes about Microsoft – They’re unnecessary, just sit back and watch.

#7 Teenagers – The girls should be locked away from ages 12 to 19 and taught that they in fact CAN’T sing or dance and the boys should be locked away and taught that no one wants to see any part of them or hear them. Furthermore, if you cannot pass a GED exam or graduate from high school by the end of your teens (yes that means an extra year genius) you’ll be staying next to Mr. Racist in the animal shelter awaiting a dirt nap.

#8 Car wars – It doesn’t matter what you THINK is a good car or truck (Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Domestic or Foreign) unless you’ve built it yourself. Stock is still stock and will not hold up if I’m driving it so it’s crap anyway. In my opinion the only difference between them is what you have to start with when you build it.

#9 Empty threats – It doesn’t do any good to alert your enemy that you’ll be stabbing them in the face while they sleep. You’re just subjecting yourself to an empty can booby trap or a shotgun surprise. Just tell them that they should say their goodbye’s and tie up loose ends with friends and family members. That’s all the threat that you need to be courteous when you have your revenge.

and #10 Mosquito’s – Honestly, if we leave the Gnat’s alone and kill every mosquito on the planet, what is the worst that could happen? There is no species on the planet that relies on mosquito’s so heavily that it couldn’t do without. I say it’s time for some genetic warfare. We’ll breed the little pointy straws out of them and they’ll all starve to death. Or it’ll go horribly wrong because the ‘lowest common denominator’ will be in charge of implementing the perfect plan and will screw it up somehow and make them ten times bigger, super sonic and terminally angry.