Monday, October 30, 2006

And the least tasteful costume of the year award goes to....


Well I have some good news and bad news. The good news we (we meaning the group) didn’t get skunked. Luke got his first deer, and Scott got his as well. I didn’t get one because I am the kind of person who prefers to take the legal route rather than get an animal, which is my excuse for not bringing home meat. I did bring home some horns though. I found a set of horns from a HUGE non-typical buck. This is the kind of buck you piss yourself over before you attempt to shoot at it. Awe well, so the hunts are over. So I did well on my Chemistry test, and now I have a little time to relax before my next test. As I have been watching the news I read a story that I liked. I guess there are 2 fathers that lost their sons to heroin overdoses are starting a website to offer rewards for tips and leads that result in the capture of drug dealers. I thought this was a good idea and decided to add my twist to it. I think we should offer the street value of what ever drug is confiscated. That’d be a great reward I think, the only problem is where the money will come from. I miss hanging out with ya’ll. I am excited that I’ll be able to attend the Tuesday/Halloween night festivities (since I’m bringing the guest of honor) and I recommend the scariest movie of them all. That’s right ‘The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra’. I know ill get a second vote from Chris, a loud groan from Heather, and a sharp and violent advance on my genitalia from Dave. Really, what is on tap for scary movie night? Will these be silly, make fun of scary movies? Will they be scantily clad teenager cliché type scary movies? Will it be the kind of movie where the guy that looks like your next door neighbor goes nuts and kills an entire family while they’re asleep then eats them over the next 3 or 4 years while the police mistakenly rule him out as a suspect because he was supposedly seen at a bowling alley that night and the family’s brother-in-law spent 3 days in an institution a few years ago so he’s the main suspect? Or did I read about that one in the news? Either way I’m sure it’ll be great fun. I don’t care if it’s a costume party or not, I’m coming dressed up. Well I’m about out of anything worth saying (not that I mean any of the things I have already covered are worth saying) so I’ll leave you.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Howsh 'ya get porshupine pish anyway?


Well I guess it’s time to break out the porcupine piss and find a forest ranger who knows all the verses to "swing low sweet chariot", because I can’t seem to find a deer. It was a good hunt, and by hunt I mean walk. I find it interesting that in a matter of 5 days, the number of deer can drop so dramatically. It seems like we were kicking them out of everywhere on the last weekend of the Elk hunt, but when we can actually kill the deer legally they are no where to be found. We found plenty of Elk though. I even got to watch a Moose try and get his freak on, but his woman wasn’t having any of that type of behavior and turned him down. Awe well, I guess what ever happens, happens. So I had my 3rd Calculus test last Thursday, and I’m all on pins and needles to find out what I got. The Holidays are coming, and I am not ready. I tend to get a little grumpy as Christmas nears, and I‘m never really sure why. Also, although I am not against eating until I pop (just ask my mom about the pancakes, but remember that anything that makes you laugh at my expense is a lie), I don’t fully appreciate the origins of Thanksgiving. It seems to me like focusing on the wonderful dinner before a violent date rape. It avoids the reality of the situation that we gratefully accepted help from the natives, then looked at them and asked “what else can we take?” I feel the urge to rant and rave about something but I currently lack the mental fortitude to simply pick something to focus my energies on. Actually that’s not entirely true. I thought of something and wrote about a page about it, but then deleted it because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone getting depressed and doing damage to themselves. Anyway, I’ll try to come up with something more creative tomorrow. Laters!

Monday, October 16, 2006

I've got the "Last Day of the Hunt" Blues


As I’m sure you’re all aware, I went Elk hunting this weekend. This was the second and last weekend of the hunt. The first weekend we saw plenty of Elk, just no spikes. And for those of you unfamiliar with Utah’s hunting rules, you have to draw a Limited Entry tag to kill large bulls which is something I’ve been trying to get since I was 14. Since I have other things to say I won’t get into my frustrations on the Utah draw system. So anyway we were out hunting. My dad and Luke (that’d be my brother in law) left Thursday night so they could hunt Friday and at least have a good idea of where we should start on Saturday. Well instead of finding where the Elk were they knew exactly where the Elk weren’t. Nikki and I headed up Friday right after work and I was trying to be optimistic. My cousin, Megan, had killed a spike on opening morning, but other than that we had only heard of a handful of people getting their animals. She also reported that she had seen others but couldn’t do anything about it. Anyway, Saturday morning comes around and we’re up and on the horses nice and early. In the moonlight we can see the trail just fine and a little bit of the horizon. As we approach the top of a small ridge we see a silhouette along the horizon of a large body. After waiting for it to get a bit lighter we discovered that it was a bull Elk but too large for any of our tags. So we kept moving and saw a bunch of Deer and a few more Elk, but again there were no spikes. Well I got late in the morning and we headed back to camp for a bit of rest and some food. When the evening hunt rolled around, we headed into a different area and ran into a herd which we never could get a good look at. Well the Elk spooked and ran over a ridge, down a canyon and they were gone. We hadn’t seen hardly anybody out there, which was a sharp contrast to the first weekend where there were hunters every 1/4 mile or so. Soon, we heard someone in that direction shooting, and shooting, and shooting some more. I think they took like 8 or 10 shots before it went quiet. Either they totally missed or they were trying to make hamburger while the animal was still alive. So we were kicking ourselves for sending the animals right into the only other hunter on the mountain. So we go back to camp feeling pretty defeated, and awfully hungry. We ate and went to bed without really making a plan for the morning. There is something about the last day of the hunt, after 2 weeks of getting up early and not finding anything you can even try to shoot at, that tends to leave you… less than motivated. To make matters worse, the alarm clock (the one that sounds like a jack hammer right next to your head and no one can possibly sleep through) decides it doesn’t like its job anymore and takes an unannounced trip to Tahiti or something. So we wake up late, fortunately it wasn’t noon or anything. We throw the saddles on the horses, grab our guns and orange and we’re off. Again we saw the same bull in the same place but just kinda kept riding. We didn’t really have a plan, or even a rough idea of where we wanted to go. So we decided to go back into the same area we were in last night in hopes that they were dumb enough to head back there. We tried a couple of sneaks through the trees, and didn’t see anything, and i mean ANYTHING. This was a pretty bad omen because we’d at least seen deer or birds or the occasional chipmunk before, but this time there was nothing. I started thinking about what my cousin had previously said about seeing a big black bear up in that area a few weeks earlier and wondering if that was the reason there was nothing around. So we kept plugging along, like you’re supposed to do when it’s the last day so you can at least say that you tried your best. We decide to get off the horses and walk through one last area before heading back for breakfast and packing up. As I get into a clearing, I notice there are sounds coming from across the canyon. (the kinds of sounds that only larger animals can make when their being careless about their foot placement). I heard Luke mentioning that he saw some deer over there so I didn’t think too much of it. However, being that we’ll be up there next weekend looking for deer, I decided to look and see if I could find any horns. I didn’t see a single deer. I did, however, see a cow Elk headed up the hill directly towards my dad’s position. So I hop on the radio and tell them that I have Elk spotted and that dad should get into a good position to see animals running near him, and Luke should head into the area I’m in so he can help me look at the Elk. They were in some thick Quakies (or Quaking Aspens to those of you who don’t know the lingo, a.k.a. Oaties if you’re Nikki and confuse them with Quaker Oats) and beneath the trees was about 4 feet of undergrowth crap that was pretty thick too. It took a while for me to see that there was an entire herd there instead of just the one cow. Soon they were milling around on the hillside and I could see them a bit better through some openings in the cover. With perfectly stable hands and my breathing totally under control I start identifying each animal and eliminating it from the shootable category. Without warning, I see one of them pick up its head and notice it has horns. Not only did it have horns but they weren’t very big. The vague hint of a possibility that it could be a spike begins breathing again after having died from lack of stimulation over the last week. Then reality sets in and stifles that hint back into its grave. I’m thinking to myself “No way, it’s got to have more than that. I can’t possibly be that lucky on the last day of the hunt”. So I start concentrating on it a little more, wanting to prove it wrong so I can move on to the others that I haven’t looked at yet. With my hands totally steady, breathing still under control, I look intently across the canyon at this animals head. As it eats, lifts its head repeatedly, takes a step, and goes back to eating again, it hits me that it is unmistakably a spike. For those of you who have never had “Buck fever” I’ll describe it to you now. When you were once calm and collected, you are now shaky, breathing hard and your heart is pounding. None of these are desirable when attempting to make something the diameter of a pencil fly 250 yards (750 feet) and hit an area the size of a volleyball. After a moment of this panic, I think to myself “What am I doing? It’s only a spike and I have made hundreds of shots just like this! Just calm down and take the shot”. So I get control of my breathing, heart rate, steady my hands and settle in for the shot that’ll be heard around the… canyon. So I place the shot right where I need it to be and start to squeeze… BANG! And nothing. None of them budge. BANG! Still he just stands there. BANG! I can’t believe they aren’t spooked. BANG! Ok now I need to reload and they are starting to head up the hill a bit. So I throw 2 more rounds in my gun and pull up to see if he’s dropped yet. Nope BANG! This time he takes a few steps forward and lays down. COOL! He’s down and I’ve just got to wait a minute and he’ll loose consciousness, then we’re in business. The rest of the herd is just standing there not knowing where the shots were coming from and not knowing which way to run. Then the spike stands back up, and I’m thinking to myself “No freaking way! I can’t possibly be missing this many times!” BANG! This time he drops like a rock and the herd bolts. After the dust settles and the herd is out of sight, I tell Luke where he was and have him guide me over there by radio because it’s thick enough that if you’re not within 15 feet or so, you’ll never see it. So I get to it and start field dressing the animal taking note of the fact that it looked like there was only one visible entrance wound. Upon seeing that I start questioning my shooting, the yardage I estimated, and all kinds of factors that would have led to me missing 5 out of the 6 shots. As I clean out the inside of the animal, I can see much more clearly what had happened. There were at least 4 separate exit wounds and at least 3 distinct entrance wounds. Turns out I’d only missed once, and the rest had gone right where they needed to go. The vitals were pulverized, and I have no idea how he managed to withstand that many direct hits and keep on walking. This was the first Elk I have shot at with the Barnes X bullet and I am not impressed at all. I have killed several others with 2 shots or less using the Nosler ballistic tips, and I am considering switching back based on this experience. Barnes has one last chance to redeem them selves on the deer hunt.

Monday, October 09, 2006

As Promised...

Bud Light presents, Real Men of Genius. 'reeeeaal meeen of geeeeeeeeeeniuuuuuuuus' Today we salute you Mr. Ultra Geeky Programmer Gamer Guy. 'Mister Ultra Geeky Programmer Gaaaaaaamer Guy!' You are the King of the camping whores, Ruler of the Railgun, Wizard of WoW. With painstaking precision, you research every inside joke in the latest Weird Al music video, and ROFLMAO at their hidden meaning. ‘Who iiiiiiis MC Escher!?’ While the Noobs are caught up in PvP fighting, you drive them all into financial ruin by writing your own code to take advantage of them at the local auction house. Young boys and grown men alike watch in awe as you pass by sporting your “Know your roots” t-shirt and 4000GB Ipod full of music and video that you didn’t have to pay anything for. It’s just a pity the ladies don’t think the same way. One things for sure, you’ll never be seen asking The Company Computer Guy for help, in fact it’s the other way around. ‘You aaaaarrrreeeee tttteeeeehh suxors!!!’ So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Ultra Geeky Programmer Gamer Guy, because you know that the Internet really IS a series of tubes! 'Mister Ultra Geeky Programmer Gaaaaaaamer Guy!'

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Porky will save me! Turns out he'd bagsied my right buttock!



So it’s Monday again…. in a Wednesday kind of way. I am excited for HDR, as always, and am particularly happy because I haven’t got any chance of a random test springing up because they all were last week or the week before. Well the Elk hunt starts this weekend, and I’m feeling rushed as ever in preparing for it. It seems that no matter how much time you actually have it all comes down to the last few days. I’m not terribly enthused about hunting for spikes again. When it comes to meat I much prefer Cow elk to and Bull, and when it comes to antlers I am defiantly not excited about a spike. But it’s still hunting, which is something I really enjoy. I believe Nikki will be spending most of the hunt back in camp, which should greatly reduce her chances of sustaining another potentially life threatening injury. Since we’re down to only three horses now, I should have ample opportunity to work off the extra 15 lbs I’ve put on since starting school. I’m all for education but it had a few drawbacks. 1, no time for things you previously had time for. 2, little or no exercise opportunities due to less time. 3, other students and their inadequacy’s especially when a group environment is REQUIRED! *cough* >chem lab<. 4, test anxiety, something I suffer from to nearly an unhealthy degree. 5, professors that assume I am just another fresh out of high school student who has no experience in real world situations. 6, students that want to talk to me, walk near me, sit next to me, ask about my major, ask me what we SHOULD be doing because they were texting their friend or loved one while the directions were being explained, and the list goes on and on. It’s like High school all over again except that this time I am actually interested in learning stuff instead of just being there. But enough whining about something everyone already knows. If you haven’t looked at it already, Jeff’s site is coming along nicely. I created a user account on there and have begun to post a few little things on there. For instance my blurb about choosing a new password (http://www.arcanatower.com/?site=maximus_manimal). A cool interesting feature is that the Google advertisements at the bottom tend to change depending on what you’ve posted about. For instance someone posted about cell phones and it brought up advertisements about different typed of cell phones. I think I have confused the crap out of the thing because it’s reading really random stuff that has nothing to do with anything. I figure as long as I keep things general and not mention any specific topics, while continuing my typically random and nonsensical style of humor, it will eventually have a conniption fit and start recommending WebMD and link to Psychological health issues. That’s the goal anyway. Well, I knoe this one is short, but I’ve run out of things to say so I’ll see you all at that HDR in a few hours! Time for the Hump Day theme song! “The Hump Day dance is your chance to do the Hump, Frag me baby! Do the Hump Day Hump, Do the Hump Day Hump……”